The SCMS Counseling Department

Mrs. Victoria Patterson and Mrs. Sandra Rutledge

Tips for Parents

How to talk to kids so they will listen:

  • Plan a quiet, non-threatening time to talk.

  • Listen without interruptions.

  • Ask for their ideas and opinions.

  • Keep your voice calm and low and your body language non-defensive.

  • Realize that all generations have their trends.

  • Avoid being overly critical.

  • Tell your child that you love him/her. Follow up with actions - a positive note in his/her planner and a kept promise.

How to set reasonable rules:

  • Don't make rules so restrictive that neither you nor the child can follow them.

  • Get feedback from your child.

  • Follow through on what you're going to do but don't be afraid to admit when you've made a mistake.

  • Be aware of school and other parents' rules curfews and limits.

  • Remember that you have control over the three "Ts" - telephone, television and transportation.

Helping your child achieve in school:

  • Know what's going on in the school. Call the school staff and visit the school.

  • Be supportive of the school and education.

  • Provide and enforce a proper study time.

  • Offer to help quiz for tests or review, but realize that some students will reject this offer.

  • Sit down with your child and write reasonable goals.

Helping a child adjust to an extended/blended family:

  • Don't expect your child to automatically love new family members.

  • Don't criticize their other parent, relatives and so on.

  • Plan special times for just you and your child.

  • Try to uphold some favorite family traditions and include your children in creating new ones.

  • Encourage your child to participate in new activities while including the old ones.

Working with the school:

  • Keep communication lines open with the school.

  • Provide an adequate study atmosphere and study materials at home.

  • Try the suggestions of teachers and other school staff.

  • Give the school information about your child that may be helpful.

Resources/Suggested Readings:

  1. The Roller-Coaster Years: Raising Your Child Through the Maddening Yet Magical Middle School Years by Charlene C. Giannetti, Margaret Sagarese
    ISBN: 0553066846

  2. Too Old for This, Too Young for That!: Your Survival Guide for the Middle-School Years
    by Harriet Mosatche Ph.D., Karen M. Unger
    ISBN: 1575420678

  3. Get Out of My Life, but First Could You Drive Me & Cheryl to the Mall: A Parent's Guide to the New Teenager, Revised and Updated by Anthony E. Wolf (Author)  ISBN: 0374528535

NEWS FROM MICHIGAN STATE UNIVERSITY EXTENSION - ST. CLAIR COUNTY

  1. SAFETY COUNTS is a comprehensive in-home program for families that increase awareness of child safety and provides some child safety equipment. Contact MSU Extension Office at 810-989-6935.

  2. BUILDING STRONG ADOLESCENTS is a program for parents of preteens and teens. This asset based curriculum features positive communication skills, school success, decision making, and more. Classes will run at the Algonac Library from 6:00-7:30 pm Monday nights in October. Contact the library at 810-794-4471 to register.

  3. HOW TO TALK SO KIDS WILL LISTEN - classes in Port Huron during the month of October. Contact Kim at 810-989-6935 for more information.

THE STUDENT IN THE MIDDLE SCHOOL

Emotionally

10-11 Year Olds Tend to:

  • be emotional about body changes

  • have difficulty controlling emotions

  • display highly variable interests

  • have outbursts such as crying, fighting and swearing due to overexertion.

12 Year Olds Tend to:

  • worry over school work, exams and report cards

  • have rather sensitive feelings

  • have ambivalent attitudes - want to be independent and yet hold to delights of childhood

  • rebel at the idea of having a babysitter

  • confide in an adult outside of family rather than parents

13-14 Year Olds Tend to:

  • be anxious about the normality of development

  • be easily angered, and take longer to recover than when they were younger.

  • vacillate among interests

  • exhibit erratic behavior

  • realize their independence within the family structure deepening

  • learn to think, feel and act a role congruent with their sex

  • identify and relate to the behaviors inherent in sex roles

Socially

10-11 Year Olds Tend to:

  • begin to break away from parental control

  • be concerned with standards set by peer group

  • be able to display teamwork

  • be concerned with privacy in the home

  • show interest in the opposite sex / be teasing

12 Year Olds Tend to:

  • have critical attitudes toward home, parents and society in general

  • show independence in choice of friends

  • be concerned with group loyalty

  • crave periods of being alone

13-14 Year Olds Tend to:

  • exhibit an indifference to adults, especially teachers and parents

  • be concerned with presenting positive image for the peer group

  • strive to conform in order to achieve peer acceptance

  • be continuously changing friends depending on peer pressures and changing interests, needs and wishes

  • begin to explore aspects of their sexuality

Physically

10-11 Year Olds Tend to:

  • be involved in a period of brain growth

  • show rapid increase in weight (girls)

  • be willing to work hard at acquiring physical skills

  • display awkwardness, restlessness and "laziness" as a result of uneven growth

  • show beginning signs of secondary sex characteristics

  • show an increased appetite

12 Year Olds Tend to:

  • be at a plateau in brain growth development

  • experience rapid growth

  • be self-conscious about trying to learn new physical feats

  • experience periods of extreme fatigue

  • be self-conscious about sexual development

  • be capable of initiating good personal hygiene habits

13-14 Year Olds Tend to:

  • be approaching a new period of brain growth development

  • experience uneven bone-muscle growth; experience a variety of growth patterns

  • be easily upset if they are not physically coordinated or physically attractive according to existing cultural standards

  • be extremely restless

  • need a daily release of energy

  • tire easily and be reluctant to admit it

  • have difficulty accepting body changes

Intellectually

10-11 Year Olds Tend to:

  • need reinforcement of basic skills

  • function at literal thinking levels

  • be oriented to the present

  • be oriented toward viewing ideas and facts in isolation

  • make simple generalizations

  • begin to develop reasoning skills

  • handle forms operations and abstract thinking on a limited basis

  • need encouragement to work to the maximum of his/her intellectual development

12 Year Olds Tend to:

  • be able to refine those reasoning skills which have been learned

  • have difficulty acquiring new conceptual skills

  • begin go think for themselves

  • begin to understand abstract ideas like "justice", "honesty"

  • demand privileges but avoid responsibility

  • develop "hero" type worship - often a sports figure, or an entertainer.

13-14 Year Olds Tend to:

  • display varying levels of skill interests and abilities which are unique in the developmental pattern

  • like to discuss their experiences with adults

  • see relationships among similar concepts, ideas and experiences and make inferences

  • be capable of evaluating critically

  • have fluctuating interests

  • be easily discouraged if they do not achieve

  • have a varying range of creative expression

  • understand the elements of the environment and can be helped to see their relationship

  • be capable of exploring and selecting learning materials and experiences on their own

  • be trusted to assume personal responsibility for their own learning.

Building Responsibility

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Updated 09/11/07